An Exercise in Faith

There are times when focusing too much on the “how” of a dream or goal is unimportant.

Wait…did I just say that?!?!?! Me? Emily!? A true “Type-A” personality? Who has to see the end before I even begin?

Yes. Yes I did just say that.

The reason?

It’s a beautiful and extremely scary thing called: an exercise in faith.

As I have only lived 36 years on this earth, I believe I know a little less than half of what I will learn throughout my life (which is crazy, because I know A LOT!) (and I’m super humble) (and proud of it) but this I am confident in, as I am currently living it: if we understood the final picture at the beginning, every unexpected turn could impede our quest to achieve our goal.

Therefore, there are times…such as now…where I know what my heart desires, but I am completely in the dark about how I am going to get there.

Jen Hatmaker explains it beautifully in her book, “Interrupted:”

_Never have we stood with such open hands, clinging to nothing, ready for anything.

I’m going to be brutally honest right now: so many times this past year I’ve wanted to just cut ties and run away. Go where no one knows me. Hide. Leave. It would be easier (at least, that’s what I would think during those moments of insanity…come on, we all have them!) (side note: To those of you I work closely with and spend many of my hours with, please do not take this personal! None of these thoughts have to do with you!)

Yet instead of running, instead of hiding, even instead of fighting back with gusto (as I am known to do when backed into a corner) I am learning how to not act as my own protector. I am learning how to release. I am learning how to be vulnerable and not “fix” everything. I am learning that my independent, go-getter, super-achiever nature is not always the best way to be. Because I close myself off to fellowship from others. I close myself off from growing experiences. I am learning that by relying solely on myself, I am missing out on the blessings that come from relying on God. And that is one of the many things I am meant to learn from the transition I am currently in.

As my girl Jen says:

“God may be leading you away without a clear final destination yet.

While Jen’s words truly speak to my soul, my brain is saying: “But I like plans! I like clear vision! I like assurances!”

Yet the ways of faith exist so far outside our tidy boundaries

So I step forward daily in faith. Having hardly ANY idea of what is to come next. Only knowing that all will be well.

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