Marriage Advice

Ian (my husband) and I are really working to make our marriage great again (umm….that was a mistaken Trump reference….forgive me….but once I realized it, I thought it was hilarious so I left it in! Again, forgive me)

The stresses of life have really gotten us down the past few years. To make matters even worse, we basically created the stress for ourselves by being crazy advocates and opening a charter public school in our rural county. Lesson number one: crazy advocacy may hurt your marriage. Even if you are crazy together.

(that’s not a real lesson, I just had to write that for some reason)

So the past few months we’ve had many conversations about our marriage, about what our marriage goals are and really about how we feel like we’re falling short a lot of the time.

And in the past few weeks, we’ve begun to see a change in our relationship. A change for the better. And I can pinpoint one reason…..

Fun.

We are having fun again.

I saw this meme quite a few places this week, and it made me giggle….because it’s so TRUE!!!

royal family marriage meme

In my favorite Jen Hatmaker book “For The Love,” she says:

“The couple that embarrasses their children together has a 100 percent chance of making it.”

YES! I love that (and I do it all the time….sorry not sorry kiddos!)

She also says:

Life will deliver plenty of struggles;

I love that.

Remembering why you fell in love in the first place is important.

Recognizing you both change as you grow is important.

Choosing the life you’re creating together is important.

And fun?

That’s super important.

As Jen Hatmaker says: “Sometimes you have to break out the running man when a Vanilla Ice song plays.”

But I want to be totally honest here: sometimes I save my worst behavior for Ian.

Who am I kidding….most times.

Most times he gets the worst of me. And I think that’s way too normal and familiar for a lot of married or otherwise committed couples.

We give our best selves away (at work, at school, at church…) to people who matter less. We give our best energy and our best time away to things that aren’t as important as our partner…and our children (but that’s a WHOLE OTHER post, believe you me).  

And the only way that will change is if we’re conscious of what we desire. If we really take a moment to recognize who is most important (in this case, my husband) and to recognize and recall that we’re on the same team (in times of high-stress conversations, we can be found randomly saying to each other “same team, same team”)

I chose him.

He chose me.

We need to continually choose each other.

And remember to have fun along the way.

And that’s what I have to say about that.

1 thought on “Marriage Advice

  1. Awesome post Emily. Marriage is challenging and what you said about giving your best away to people who aren’t as important as your family, is SOOOO true!

    Jay and I went away for 4 days about a month ago (first time we’ve left the kids for more than 24 hours since Hannah was born-12+ yo). Boy did we (I) need it! It was amazing to feel like human again… Not a mom, not a maid, not a referee, not a taxi driver, not a cook, not a YW President, but a regular person with her own identity. I hadn’t felt that free in a LONG time. It was so rejuvenating to our marriage and to myself. I think so often, we neglect ourselves (because we care for so many others) and it just trickles to those around us. Thanks for your post. Making marriage a priority is no joke Sista! I wish you and Ian the best ❤️

    Like

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